“Whatever Color”: A Poem About Higgs Boson

Science!

Are any of you as confused as I am about this whole “God particle” business? Well, hopefully after reading this particular poem by guest poster KC, the once strange Higgs boson will become your new best friend.

Whatever Color (An Ode to Higgs Boson)

Black, white
Yellow or blue
Whatever color
Higgs Boson is too

Higgs Boson comes soft
Higgs boson come hard
Higgs boson comes in packages
And sometimes comes jarred

Higgs Boson is an asshole
And also a nice guy
Higgs Boson are the wings
That lets Higgs get me high

At night I need the boson
To let me lie in bed
But it can only be the Higgs
No other boson can take its stead

Higgs boson is an “icle”
Of which God is part
Higgs boson is the Louvre
And pieces of shitty art

If you ever met Higgs boson
He would shake your hand
She’d also make you a sandwich
And play music in your band

Higgs boson is a pimp daddy
Sometimes even a madam
Put too many Higgs together
And then you gotta atom (add ’em)

But really Higgs boson is the shit
That keeps us all combined
Higgs boson is your heart
Higgs boson is your mind

So find the boson right for you
Few bosons pass the test
Its mass does matter and despite the chatter
Higgs boson is the best

 

Work is so Trivial

Behold!

SayKNOWtoTrivia’s first ever guest post! This one comes from The Working Man. Enjoy your weekend! (DISCLAIMER: The level of actual Trivia content in guest posts vary dramatically)

Stop Taking Work So Seriously!

To all you micro-managing pricks who are more obsessed with punctuality and dress code than the actual value of your employees’ work product, I would like to ask you to carefully remove the stick out of your ass on this Friday afternoon.

I will never understand how so many stupid, power-hungry despots are able to become my “superiors.”  I often have to laugh in disgust when I hear a friend of mine say that he was reprimanded for being five minutes late to work one time in a week, despite the fact that he worked until 8:00 p.m. twice in that same week.  Alas, it is apparently more important for someone to show up at 9:00 on the dot and leave at 5:00, then actually putting in the time to get the work done and done correctly.

Recently, I was at a meeting that took up most of Friday afternoon, but let’s be honest, the meeting was done by 4:00 and I was close to home.  As luck (and by luck, I mean bad luck) would have it, several of my other coworkers were out that afternoon for other legitimate business too.  It didn’t matter.  As I was sitting in the meeting, my blackberry screamed in its trademark buzzing fashion ordering me to get back to the office.  I’m blocks from home and now I have to fight my way through 4:00 Friday rush hour traffic to get back to Virginia.  I could actually could have spent that time usefully working from home.

Bosses, honestly, your need to know that my presence in the office is not about how well I do my job.  It’s all about your need to control, i.e. you’re a freak.  If you don’t think I’m doing my work well, then fire me or at least tell me what I’m doing wrong.  Sitting and staring blankly at my computer screen will not get the work done, despite your new found level of comfort that at least I’m here pretending to be working.

Honestly, if you want a productive workforce, give them freedom.  Judge them by their product.  If it’s Friday afternoon and nothing is pressing, they should be able to leave at their leisure without even asking permission.  We’re your employees.  We’re not your slaves.

The power of morale breeds success.  Some of the best methods to preserve and promote a happy and productive workforce encourages employees to feel free with their job.  It teaches responsibility.  It encourages free-thinking.
Moreover, your employees will begin to come up with ideas for improvement when they’re not working.

To all you bosses out there, consider these managerial tips for your employees and before you tell me why they’re wrong, actually think about the positive effects these could have for your business and your employees (before of course I tell you why they’re so good).

1) Working from home
2) Every other Friday off
3) More than two weeks of vacation time
4) Casual Dress
5) Close work early before big holidays

The ability to work from has become one of the best business practices I have seen.  Employees can spend their time in a comfortable environment without having to deal with the frustrations of traffic and commuting especially in DC where you have some of the most inconsiderate drivers in the country.

I have one friend, who has every other Friday off.  This method empowers employees to really work hard all week long and three-day weekends always bring your workers back to the office with renewed energy to work even harder the following week.

Two weeks of vacation do not fit the bill.  DC is a transplant city and two weeks is hardly sufficient to be able to visit family over the holidays, while also giving your employees time to travel to exotic destination, world historical sites and other target destinations for which your employees work hard all year to achieve and experience.

Unless you need to be in court or some other setting where a suit is required, let your employees come in business casual.  I can’t tell you how many days that I have been discouraged to work, simply because I was so uncomfortable in a suit.  My office is technically business casual, but given my position, I was STRONGLY encourage to come to work in a suit every day.  Suffice to say, I continue to push hard against this unwritten rule, as I sit here in an untucked button-down shirt and khakis.

I love the office when it closes at 2:00 before Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  It’s a wonderful way to go into a holiday.

So, bosses, on this Friday, get an early start to your weekend and take the time to think about your employees’ well-being.  In fact, I think it might be about time for me to get out of here too…..

-The Working Man